Sometimes we want to be strong for everyone, but what we need is to ask for and accept support.
Are you a Type A, supermom type? Maybe you are an oldest child like me or just an over achiever. Are you the friend who is first to be called in an emergency or the rock of your family?
It can be very difficult for us to ask for help when we need it, before the breakdowns, depression, self recrimination, binge eating, obsessive planning or resentment begin.
The current situation in my home, Israel, and my current vacation is a real life story of Miss Expert needing to accept help.
If you have had a baby, if your husband is in miluim, if you have a Kiddush or shalom zachor, or simply need a break, I am the friend you call. In fact, I am usually the friend who thinks about what you might need, before you ask. I am not tooting my own horn, I have a selfish, deep need to give and feel useful. So when I am far from a home that needs me, friends I want to help and a community literarily under fire, being on vacation is painful.
I want to tell you that the lessons I learn on this trip are things I hope to take with me for the rest of my life. I am humbled by the generosity and support of my friends in Israel who keep requesting pictures of me having fun. They want me to be happy and relaxed for us all. They don’t let me feel like a deserter for going on this trip we planned 8 months ago, all they want is my happiness. I have to accept it. My family and our friends in every state we visit are spoiling us with love and help, planning our trips, packing us lunches, arranging their schedules around our visits and sending us checks to finance our trip and make things just a little bit easier.
My heart actually broke a little bit when my Grandmother, Aunt and Uncle and In laws purchased us things, sent a little surprise and went the extra unexpected and befuddling step that we never imagined we needed; When friends offer their homes, drive miles and hours to see us and generally prioritize us. Why would my heart break? Because I have to let myself relax, skip the news for a day or a few hours at a time. I need to accept help and gifts and love without feeling guilty for not being under fire.
What lesson will I be taking home? That taking can be gift to everyone in my life. Taking time and energy for my family makes my friends happy, just like my giving to them does. Taking gifts and support from my family feeds my engine so I can keep giving to others.
No matter where you are right now, whether you are giving to the soldiers, families under fire or a local friend in need, remember its ok to accept love and help as well. In fact, I recommend it. I am sending you some love, prayers, and positive thoughts for a peaceful and beautiful day right now.